


Weight of a bead.

by sonnet_18



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Koujaku-centric, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 03:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7873636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonnet_18/pseuds/sonnet_18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An idea I had when I was studying Koujaku's clothes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weight of a bead.

Young Koujaku tried to be an independent son to his mom.

He would wake up early, readied the kitchen and helped her prepare breakfast when they began living at Midorijima.

He didnt want to make her worried so he'd always be careful not to get injured, ruined his clothes or cause trouble. Being strong enough to protect her was his one and only dream.

His mom loved him very much.

Sometimes on her best days when the coughs were bearable, she'd help dressed him up and combed his hair. After all they have matching raven hair.

After that she would helped him wear his new, red kimono since he grew a bit taller. The childish smile on his face when he saw the sparrow design lighted up her heart. Koujaku was truly her pride and joy.

"Prayer beads?"

Young Koujaku looked down at his wrists.

His mother helped him wore a pair of prayer beads on both of his wrists.

"Yes, from the temple's monk. The monk gave one for me and one for you. But I wanted you to wear both for us."

Her son looked conflicted, "but is it really okay? I can protect myself just fine. I want you to wear both bangles instead, mom."

She giggled and shook her head.

"The monk told me a legend when I went to pay my respect. It was an interesting tale about a beast and a priest. The beads were similar to the ones that warrior wore. It'll help protect you from danger and become strong like him. You are my treasure, that's why I want you to wear both."

Koujaku still felt he doesn’t deserve such rare gift but if this could make his mom smile like that, then he'll wear it to her heart's content.

With a nod he agreed and she happily hugged him close.

"May these beads protect you from evil."

Later on...

A few years later, Koujaku didn't woke up early to prepare the kitchen nor help with breakfast. Because he’s now homeless and woken up at a random hotel room. No doubt the woman he had a night stand with left that morning with a scribbled phone number by the bedside table. He hoped she paid the bills already.

Koujaku sat up, threw the paper away and groggily dragged himself to the hotel’s bathroom. Washing his face by the sink, he saw himself in the mirror and could almost see it.

The water dripping down his bangs and chin are crimson liquid of blood.

The gash wound across his nose a dull pain.

Memories from that night he slaughtered his family never once left him. It haunted him every night.

He could still remember the scent of blood.

The weight of the blade in his palm.

The drip of crimson liquid down the bangle beads.

Looking down at his wrists, he saw his old bangles.

After several years, the beads looked worn and grey. Slight cracks could be seen on the surface. As if it looked like it wont be able to stay stringed together for long.

Then a realization hit him.

The late teen paled and he covered his face with a bitter laugh.

"I get it now. I get it..."

He laughed coarsely that nearly sounded like a sob.

"These prayer beads weren't meant to protect me... they were meant to RESTRAIN me from harming innocent people."

Koujaku remembered now that his mom went to visit temples under the hot sun when he started to feel ill after leaving the main house. Like an omnious creature has attached itself to Koujaku.

"These... are my seals. My chains."

From his blurry vision of tired exhaustion and tears, Koujaku saw the prayer bead bangles like a criminal's chain.

“Apparently I’m such a monster that two prayer beads were not enough to stop me from killing them. I should have been sealed away under a holy tree or something. I... dont deserve to wear these... she should have been the one wearing them... if only she wore at least one if this.. maybe... she could have survived...”

Feeling extreme guilt and anguish, Koujaku kneeled down miserably to the floor of the bathroom.

Once again thinking of wanting to end his life but a memory of a sweet smile stopped him.

Aoba’s innocent smile.

“Aoba... “

He whispered to himself. Wishing he’s at Midorijima now where he could be a little closer to his childhood friend although he shouldnt wish for something he doesnt have the right to wish for.

“Aoba... I missed you. “

Alone with his painful memories, the young man whispered the name of his beloved. His only reason for living another day.

 

-end?

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the mood for some angst and I like the scene of past Koujaku crying in the anime while concerned Beni watched over him T.T


End file.
